How come Martha’s kids are always sickly? I have asked myself this particular question half a million instances, and I still haven’t discovered the real answer. I see you, Martha, out to greet the air conditioning professional. Do you honestly think that something within your air conditioner is what’s making your family members sick? Please, I don’t even think the repairman believes that awful lie. The word on the block is that you called him to look at your central air conditioning system. How can I know this, you may be wondering? Well, I have sources. I can tell a great deal about my neighbors just by watching what is going on from my kitchen window. You think I don’t see what you feed your family, Martha? I see the groceries you unpack within your kitchen. I see what your young kids eat after school. Those —what did you call them? Volatile organic compounds? Yeah, that’s it— volatile organic compound things you claim will be in your air conditioning unit and ductwork have absolutely nothing to with your kid’s health. You say your house is actually dirty because your air conditioner fails to filter properly? I say your house is always dirty because you don’t clean it. You say your kids are allergic to your dust and mold that is actually everywhere? I say your kids are not eating well and their immune system can’t do its job. Go ahead, have the HVAC repairman work on your system. Let him clean everything out and install new filters in addition to plugging up any imaginary holes within the ductwork. Just don’t come crying to anyone when your kids are still getting sick every week. I’m watching you Martha, usually watching….